


The Unfortunate Prequel: Dream Is Pregnant On TikTok

by SeaCollides



Series: Wilbur and Tommy... [2]
Category: DreamSMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Getting Together, M/M, Mpreg, Pre-Canon, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, TikTok, happy chinese new year everyone, i am so sorry dreamnotfound community
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaCollides/pseuds/SeaCollides
Summary: George was dumbfounded. He was absolutely baffled, he could not understand what was unfolding in front of his eyes. What was going on?Dream merely smiled in the TikTok. It was a threatening smile—one that radiated an absolutely menacing aura. One of a pure, unadulterated emotion that belonged to a man with nothing to lose. He spoke:"I’mexpecting... to see you this weekend when Ideliver… a set of beautiful baby PRINTS."George screamed.-AKA: Author saw theChilde's VA Does Pregnant Childeclip and decided to start Chinese New Year with a different kind of bang.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Clay | Dream's Sister Drista (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Wilbur and Tommy... [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118663
Comments: 38
Kudos: 28
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	The Unfortunate Prequel: Dream Is Pregnant On TikTok

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fateweaver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fateweaver/gifts).



> If you're not familiar with me:
> 
> I write crack. I see something funny, I get an idea, it's 3AM. Idea is shitted out. I post it, it is somehow always around 2k words, and I finally sit back and cry. This is written with a itty bitty _slightly_ more 'serious' style than my other crackfics because I lack the brain juice to make this completely and utterly deplorable right now, so it might not be as funny, aha.
> 
> This is dedicated to Fateweaver who was the one who sent me the [Childe's VA Does Pregnant Childe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpRnCZIeLDA) clip in the first place. Readers, you are required to watch it, it's too funny. Fate, you've ruined me. I laughed for 10 minutes straight and I thought my ribcage was going to crack. This fic was just a poor excuse to utilize this gem.
> 
> This is also a small prequel scene to before the whole 'Wilbur and Tommy...'-verse went to shit. It's like a little breather before I publish the sequel to 'Wilbur and Tommy Rob Dream and Drista's Not-So-Santa Store'. You might see a pattern here to the chosen dates of publishing if you have a keen eye.
> 
> This is not meant to be taken seriously. If you liked this, go check out the actual canon 'storyline' in the Wilbur and Tommy... series by clicking on that 'Previous Work' button :) It's definitely more messier and crack-ier than this, though.
> 
> Looking back at 9AM in the morning... why did I write this?

George wasn't sure when the actual transformation of his and everyone's perception began.

The transformation was undeniably subtle—something that no one would've noticed unless they were acutely aware of their surroundings. It was something that felt so natural that it clicked into place the moment it magicked into existence, and if George were to trace back to a certain day to pinpoint exactly _when_ everything went to shit, it would probably be the day when Dream spiralled into a full-on midlife crisis.

It was not a joke. Dream, with his god-like levels of quick thinking and reflexes, decided it was very reasonable of him to buy a store. It would've been fine if he left it at that and sold, well, his merch or something along those lines—but no. Dream had called George on Discord and told him with one-hundred percent honesty that he named the store 'Dream and Drista's Merry Ho Ho Santa Store With Sixty-Nine Percent Discount Off' like it wasn't the worst possible name to choose in all forms of existence.

What really drove the nail home, however, was the fact that Dream did not sell anything remotely Christmas related in that accursed store, no: he sold sand. Edible sand, out of all things, with a crumbling economy that could never be saved by even the strongest of Redditors. The only thing even slightly related to Christmas in there was probably that extremely salt-filled eggnog sand which could send any unsuspecting mortal into a cardiac arrest.

Despite their shop's falsely advertised name, nothing happened to it.

And that, George concluded, was the turning point of his whole life, where things began spiralling down a hill of disturbingly unreal.  
  


* * *

  
DreamWasTaken was currently undergoing the worst midlife crisis in his entire life.

To be fair, it was his only life, but the mechanics behind the sacred Dream family bloodline and their clutches _did_ play a part here—

—he was going off topic.

Whatever the case, he should probably exit the bathroom and reconsider all of his life choices as to why, in the actual and living _hellfuck,_ he was holding a pregnancy test kit.

A pregnancy test kit, which, for no incomprehensible reason at all, read 'positive'. 

"Drista," Dream said as he exited the toilet while waving around the testing device around, "may I ask why I'm pregnant?"

Drista, who was sitting behind the DADMHHSSWSNPDO's cashier, promptly choked and gagged. It took her a grand total of two minutes to recompose herself as she doubled over the counter, wheezing and heaving as she nearly felt her lungs collapse. 

"I'm being very serious here," Dream warned, and Drista only continued gagging and wheezing louder. 

"I'm sorry that you never learnt fifth-grade biology," Drista shakily exhaled after calming down, "but you can't get pregna—" 

She then spied the little lithe device in Dream's hand. Drista blinked.

And blinked again. 

A while passed without any words being exchanged. Finally, Drista said, "You sure you put that in your piss? And that you have a dick?"

"...Yes."

"Double sure? That it's _your_ piss? Not, like, George, or—"

"—even if it was George, he can't get pregnant."

"THEN WHY ARE _YOU_ PREGNANT?" Drista shrieked. "THIS IS—THIS DOESN'T—"

"Drista, _calm down—_ "

"Brother," Drista gravely said as she stood up, "did you have sex with anyone in the past month?"

"I—why are you so curious about my sex life?"

Drista threw her phone at Dream. It sped through the air and landed so hard onto Dream's mask that it left a square-shaped dent right smack-dab in the middle of it. "THIS IS A LITERAL FANFICTION COMING TO LIFE, BROTHER! ANSWER ME!"

"NO, I DID NOT—well, maybe I did—did I? I can't actually remember—"

Drista full-body tackled Dream to the ground and began beating the living shit out of Dream's stomach, who, in turn, immediately fell over and nearly died from pain. 

"What," he choked out as he weakly shoved Drista off, " _what the_ FUCK _was that_?!"

"I'm KILLING THE BABY!" she yelled decidedly, kicking Dream one more time in the lower abdomen for good measure. Dream keeled over and dropped onto the floor, groaning. 

"You— _why_?" Dream forced out, still trembling on the ground. Drista shook her head. "I can't let you waste away like this. You are a young and honorable man, you must dispose of the child immediately before Technoblade kills it."

"But..." Dream started, still trying to pull himself off the floor. "Doesn't he only kill orphans?"

"The moment that child is born, I will murder you, and Techno will have to deal with the fallout." 

"THAT'S NOT"—Dream got kneed in the abdomen once more—"OW! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Life is full of unfairness. Either the child dies, or you perish. Decide."

"Drista... I can't let this baby die for no reason." 

Drista exhaled and began kneading the in-between of her eyes. "Oh," she said dryly, "so _now_ you care?"

Dream continued clutching his stomach in pain as he tried to rearrange his organs back into an acceptable shape. "Maybe I want to know who the father is," he supplied as he attempted to reconstruct the outer layer of his large intestines back into place. "Maybe I am a curious and not as much of an honorable man as you'd think."

"And how do you plan on finding the father?" Drista asked. Dream tapped a tentative finger on his chin, considering the question.

"TikTok," he decided. 

Drista did not say anything for a good minute. 

"You're joking," was her final reply.

"TikTok," Dream repeated, snapping his finger as he did so. "Through the power of TikTok, I will find the father of this child."

Drista could only watch in horror as her brother pulled out his phone and began recording.

"I don't even want to live on this planet anymore," she said to herself, and sadly, no one heard her.  
  


* * *

  
GeorgeNotFound has decided to take everything he had said about 'turning points' and 'transformation' back. 

He was—in the most eloquent way possible, in a big, colossal cesspool of perpetual torment and flaming shitfire.

The day started out normal. He woke up, felt off, and then went on about his daily routine. Except...

 _What_ , George thought, _in the literal_ _Christ_ , _is_ _that in my Discord DMs?_

[Dream]: Hey Gogy :) [Dream Is Pregnant TikTok.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBJa32lCaaY)

Despite his original intentions to hit the abort mission button in his mind, George clicked on the link and wore his headphones, expecting the worst. The video took far too long to load as the TikTok slowly buffered to life.

One second in, and he was already going to lose his mind.

Dream. With a hand over his stomach, speaking in the most ridiculous voice in the history of voices (yes, including distorted Quackity singing): "Ooh, ooh... it's kickin'."

George was dumbfounded. He was absolutely baffled, he could not understand what was unfolding in front of his eyes.

"Hey girlie," Dream cooed. 

What was going on?

Dream merely smiled in the TikTok. It was a threatening smile—one that radiated an absolutely menacing aura. One of a pure, unadulterated emotion that belonged to a man with nothing to lose. He spoke:

"I’m _expecting_... to see you this weekend when I _deliver_ "—an overly long pause followed—"a set of beautiful baby"—another long pause—" _prints_." Dream's mask winked into the camera.

George screamed and promptly threw down his headphones. 

He had to physically wrangle his hand to click off the Discord tab. His body could not handle the level of emotion he was feeling right now. On one hand, he felt like laughing, but on the other, he felt like throwing himself onto his bed to sob and cry for hours on end. Instead of doing any of those, his eyes compromised by spouting torrents of tears, one made of both laughter and disbelief as he tried to re-process the hellish thirteen seconds he had just sat through. The music in the background was strangely unnerving. The fact that Dream even made this TikTok was _worse_.

Out of bitter curiosity, George decided to finish watching that thirty-five second clip.

"...Signed by yours truly," Dream smiled as he held up a picture of him and a nameless child, looking suspiciously like a Snapchat-filtered version of baby Sapnap. "Friday, January 22nd at 1PM EST," Dream continued, using a glitter gel pen to sign the picture with poor cursive.

"Saturday, January 23rd at 1PM EST," Dream added with yet another smirk, this time pulling out a sharpie to sign the forehead of totally-not-baby Sapnap. 

"And now, ooh ooh..." George could feel more tears pouring from his eyes. "I've added a day of labor—"

George paused, took a breath, and exhaled a very loud exhale of misery and breathless laughter. 

"—Sunday, January 24th, at 1PM EST."

Dream stopped signing the picture for a moment. He turned to face the camera. 

"It's kickin'," he whispered throatily. "Check the link in the bio..."

And of course, he added a few more 'ooh's' after that before the thirty-five hallucinatory, drug-like seconds finally concluded.

George was stunned speechless, to put it mildly. If he wanted to describe his current mood, it'd be bordering the fine line of 'incomprehensible', 'I want to die', and 'I think I'm going to throw up from building laughter'. 

George pulled out his keyboard and typed out a response to Dream.

[GeorgeNotFound]: Why.

Strangely, he got no reply.  
  


* * *

  
"The TikTok was a success."

Drista whipped her head up when she heard her brother's words.

"I know it was a success," she bemoaned, "because Twitter went _wild_ over it."

"It's nice to know a simple clip of me professing my status as pregnant would be enough to explode the internet," Dream mused. 

"I don't think you've _just_ broke the internet," Drista sighed, "because scientists all over the world are probably losing it."

"Don't worry, Drista," Dream assured, patting his sister's back. "This is all an elaborate plan to get the father on my doorstep in two days."

Drista dragged a tired hand over her face. "How do you know it'll work?" she grumbled. "And how can you be sure the father will arrive in two days? There are so many flaws to this plan, and yet—"

"—it'll work," Dream laughed, giving his sister a thumbs-up. "I've made sure of it. It's part of my genius skills."

"You mean your bullshit skills," Drista muttered, and Dream did not correct her. 

Lo and behold: two days later, GeorgeNotFound showed up in front of the DADMHHSSWSNPDO with worry written all across his features. 

"Dream," he said, knocking on the shop's front door, "I really, _really_ think now's a good time to check up on your mental stability."

Dream swung the door open with a shocked face.

"George?" Dream said in disbelief. 

"...What?" George asked, confused. 

"FATHERWASFOUND!" Dream whooped and propelled himself a feet into the air, cheering. George stared, completely befuddled, as Dream eagerly gripped his hands and yanked him inside. 

"Dream, I need you to explain absolutely everything that's been happening—first you open this store, then Bad and Skeppy move to Hawaii, and now you're _pregnant_ —"

"It's okay, Gogy," Dream smiled, "because you're the father!"

George, living up to his name, crashed and did a 404. 

"George? George, are you alright?" Dream shook his shoulders, concerned. A Windows startup noise played before George came back to his senses.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good—" he said, blinking as he tried to recalibrate his surroundings. "Wait, you were saying something about a father—"

"FatherWasFound," Dream interrupted, kneeling on his knees, "will you marry me?"

George promptly crashed again. 

"This is getting excessive," Dream sighed. "George, Gogy, hello?"

Dream lightly slapped George's face for about sixty times before he came to. 

"I'm back—what the hell, Dream, stop slapping me!" George yelped, batting the taller man's hand away. 

"Sorry. Anyway, back to the question at hand: marriage, Gogy?"

George furrowed his eyebrows. "Speedrunning the stages of life, are we now, Dream?"

"Maybe," Dream said, shrugging. "Treat this as a Minecraft marriage of sorts, I don't care."

"Maybe we can date first," George sighed, shaking his head. "That... ring, you're offering..."

Dream looked at the Ring Pop in his palms. "Is this not good enough?"

"It's fantastic, but... not now. Maybe in a year or two, if we're still together, and if your baby—"

"Oh, I forgot to mention—I think it died."

A rewind tape track sound played in George's mind.

He stopped his speech. "It... died?"

"Or maybe I was never pregnant in the first place, who knows," Dream said, patting his stomach. "Because if that's not the case, I think Drista kicked it too hard."

"So—you were never—"

"Oh, I can't be sure anymore. I think I have to thank Drista, a real child would be hard to explain to the stans."

Silence.

Then, George grabbed Dream by the collar and began dragging him to the upstairs floor of DADMHHSSWSNPDO. He waved hello to Tubbo, who was dozing off behind the cashier.

"This is for tricking me," George said as he threw Dream onto a conveniently located bed. He then proceeded to execute a roundhouse kick to Dream's stomach. 

Dream doubled over and suffered copious amounts of pain. "MOTHERFUCK—"

What happened next became history because Wilbur and Tommy were conveniently waiting outside the store, ready to break in any moment.

And so birthed a new era, one of overpowered glocks and edible sand.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry. 
> 
> Yes, that MCD tag was for the baby. Or maybe not. Who knows?


End file.
